eyesight to the blind

he’s waiting. i can feel him, and he’s beginning to haunt me. i try to ignore it, but he’s sitting on my bookshelf, and in my consciousness now, and he won’t go away.

my friend pamela loves japan, and was there again last spring. she bought him for me at the tokyo airport – he cost the equivalent of a dollar. she brought him when she came to denver to visit in october. apparently, in the japanese culture, bringing him to someone is a little treat – sort of a trifle. but pam explained it to me: this odd little papier-mache object, which is painted in a beautiful and very traditional japanese manner, is lacking a pair of eyes. its a fun gift to give because, in spite of the elaborate design, the recipient has to add the essential element – vision. and the receiver adds the vision based on how they want to see life. pamela thought it was important for me to consider this right now – life with eyes wide open? closed? one of each?

for two months i have been trying to decide. the obvious choice is to draw both eyes open wide. yet that seems too obvious, and frankly, a little scary. one eye open, the other closed? too aesthetically lopsided, asymmetrical, unbalanced. so how do i really want to see the world? can i bear to look at it wide-eyed and unflinching? must i? what if i squint just a little, so things are blurred and not entirely clear? or maybe thats what i’ve been doing, and thats what has me in this mess.

all i know is, i need to decide. i need to see, and see clearly – brush aside the fear and pry my eyes open like that nasty scene in clockwork orange. no, maybe not that, but i definitely can’t keep them closed any longer. it’s the eve of a new year, and time for a new outlook. pamela is waiting, like me, like that strange little orb on my bookshelf, to find out just the kind of vision i want for the new decade. it is time.

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